A concert I am definitely looking forward to...

(Brendan)

For all those English nuts out there (including my wife) I am aware that one is not supposed to end a sentence or title with a preposition, but I did it anyway. I tried "A concert to which I am definitely looking forward..." but it just sounds out of place (and like I'm trying too hard). So there you have it.

Anyway, I am very excited because today I purchased tickets for us to see one of my favorite choral groups in concert, the all-male chorus, Chanticleer. The next time they are in the Twin Cities is for a one-night-only performance on April 23rd at the Ordway Center for the Performing Arts in St. Paul. They are an amazing group, and I've appreciated their music for many years, though I just recently bought three of their albums on iTunes.

Anyway, Chanticleer always reminds me of the importance of beauty in our human existence. Multiple times I have heard a piece from Chanticleer on our local classical music radio station and at the end was only left with, "Wow." When one encounters something that is truly, objectively beautiful, we can experience a taste of the source from which all beauty comes: God. Whether we realize it or not, this is why true beauty can evoke universal reactions of awe in human beings (and is why art is so important as a human pursuit). To inject your day with some beauty, here's Chanticleer singing a very, well... beautiful arrangement of the Ave Maria.

A novena to St. Joseph...

(Brendan)

We are officially putting our house on the market on January 16th, and given the state of things out there we definitely need all the prayers we can get that our house sells quickly. Since it is nine days before the 16th of January, today Molly and I are starting a novena to St. Joseph to ask his prayers for us in a special way. St. Joseph has been designated by the Church as the patron saint of the family, and among other things also the home. We ask his intercession to pray for our home to sell quickly, and if you are so disposed it would be great to have others join us in this novena. For those who haven't heard of a novena, it's a prayer done on nine consecutive days to emulate the nine days that the Virgin Mary and the Apostles prayed in the upper room in the Book of Acts, concluding on Pentecost. Here is a link to a novena to St. Joseph.

Update on home project

(Brendan)

Happy new year to everyone out there. As tough as it's been the past month, we have had to still make some decisions regarding our home project in order to keep it moving. For many days it just didn't seem worth it to bother with the home, we would much prefer to just crawl under a rock and close everything out. But everything we've done in the past two years has been leading up to starting construction in 2009, and to change that would bring just as many complications as it alleviated. For instance, the term for our land loan ends in December of 2009 and we would have to refinance this loan in order to hold on to the land we have. Also, interest rates for 30-year mortgages are likely to be going down to all-time lows some time in 2009, and we'd like to take advantage of that for the mortgage for our new home. So, given all of this, work on our new home hasn't really stopped and it's a good time to give an update on where we are at.

Bids for our home project

In late November we received the bids back from the five contractors who were bidding our project, and got a reality check on cost. Here's a plot I put together that doesn't have any numbers but hopefully will be descriptive:

Now, that said, there were some very expensive things that we left in the home design strictly to get an idea of the cost but without realistically thinking we'd be able to afford it. For instance, the siding was specified as cedar, though we knew from a few contractors' comments that cedar costs have gone way up in the last few years. Also, the gutters were still specified as being inset into the roof (even though we thought these wouldn't be affordable) and the gutter material was specified as copper, which really isn't necessary. These things and a few others could have been taken out ahead of the bids and the black dots in the chart above would have been somewhat closer to our budget. But despite these known expensive items, they alone cannot account for even the majority of cost overrun. There were going to have to be some significant reductions to the project to bring the project close to our budget. LOTS of reductions.

Let me just say, for anyone considering building a home in the future, this bidding process was extremely important to go through. You do this so that you can be informed of potential cost overruns with your wallet closed, and then make adjustments ahead of time. You also do this so that you can select a contractor with a low bid, who is also committed to helping you reach your budget with suggestions to reduce cost.

Selected Contractor

Despite the bids being way over our budget, we needed to select a contractor to finally start working with one-on-one and utilize his expertise. In a previous post I reviewed the contractors who were bidding. So, the contractor we selected is...

Duane Kozitka from The Chuba Company









We are really excited about working with Duane and have already met with him twice since the end of the bidding process, most recently a couple days ago with my brother as he is in town for Christmas. Duane was not the lowest bidder, but was very close to the lowest number and brings 20 years of experience working with SIP's and has built architecturally designed homes (and is currently doing one in Golden Valley, MN). We couldn't pass up the experience level he brings, and also were happy with his willingness to pull out all the stops to get our project back within budget.

For those interested, Summit Design Build was the highest bidder.

Cost Saving Measures

It's clear that beyond the more expensive items that we left in for the bids, the project has some fundamental issues that cause its cost to be higher than our budget. One of the biggest is the amount of external surface area of the home (which includes extra siding, extra wall construction and SIP's, etc.). We knew this going in and we want to preserve the unique design and character of the home going forward. But, in order to do so we had to make some tough choices. Here are the biggest cost saving measures that we know we are implementing:

1. Do not build chapel, leave for later addition
2. Do not build a basement (add in more above-ground storage)
3. Change cedar siding to fiber cement siding
4. Stick with asphalt shingle roof instead of standing seam metal roof
5. Eliminate all exterior brick walls (and possibly add later)
6. Change inset gutters to more standard gutters, and change material from copper to painted aluminum
7. Don't lay any sod or do any landscaping, leave for later

Without question the biggest "ouch" for me in this list is leaving the chapel to add later. In the end, the chapel was not going to be finished on the inside right away anyway, and it may end up being a good thing. The chapel design is about as small as it can be right now, and leaving it for a later addition will allow us to enlarge the chapel by a few feet in width to give it some breathing room. The chapel is one of the biggest reasons we are building this home, so you can be sure it will be the first thing we do in the next few years (before anything else we plan on adding, like the patio and outer balcony, or landscaping, or anything).

There are many more items on our cost-saving list that are smaller but add up to big savings, and I won't bore you by discussing all those. Some are changes we are making in interior finishes, some are work that I plan on doing myself instead of paying for labor.

I think the integrity of the project will still be in tact after all of our cost-saving efforts, and it's a good thing to always be reminded that, as the Rolling Stones said, "You can't always get what you want." What we truly desire is to follow God's will, and that's all that matters.

Please pray for us as well, as we are currently getting our house ready to be put on the market some time the week of January 12th!

Merry Christmas to All...

(Brendan)

We are grateful for all of the prayers, love, and support we have received this Advent season, and with all of you we wait in joyful hope for the coming of our savior on Christmas.

The Nativity
Franz von Rhoden
Oil on canvas, 1853
103"x74"

God's Divine Providence

(Brendan and Molly)

We have waited for a period of time after the death of our son, Henry Blaise, to share with you a very special grace that we have received from our Lord, one that is both very personal and very powerful. This grace consists of being allowed by our Lord to have direct understanding that His gathering of our son to Himself is a part of his plan for our family to grow closer to Him in holiness. The personal nature of the means by which we were given this understanding made us wonder whether it should be shared, but at the same time the power of it means we are compelled to share it. We know that sharing this grace will give added comfort and understanding to our family and friends who are mourning Henry's loss with us, and we also know that it will increase the faith of many others who, like all of us, wonder at times whether God is really in control and whether He really does work all things together for the good of those who love Him.

In July of this past summer, while still early in pregnancy, Molly went on a women's three-day silent retreat at the St. Paul Seminary, the major seminary of the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis. This retreat was an Ignatian retreat, where the retreatants used the spiritual exercises of St. Ignatius of Loyola to reflect on scripture and be guided by a spiritual director (in this case priests from the seminary) in prayer and reflection. During this retreat, each day Molly kept a detailed diary of all of her thoughts. Molly's main prayer during this retreat was that God would show her ways in which our family could grow in holiness. She also brought with her the book Abandonment to Divine Providence to reflect upon during the retreat.

The Holy Spirit moved in Molly in a very special way during this retreat, and the following is a directly transcribed, word-for-word excerpt from Molly's diary.

The first words written in Molly's diary, on Thursday, July 10th, 2008, were:

“The goal of our life is to live with God forever.”
- St. Ignatius

Our only desire should be to choose whatever it is that leads to the deepening of God’s life in me.

After further notes and reflections on talks the priests gave that day, Molly recorded the following thoughts on the next day of her retreat:

Friday, July 11, 2008

Yesterday, during confession, Fr. Laird prayed that my suffering would be fruitful and that I would find healing. Although I noticed his words, I didn’t make much of them at the time, although I did leave feeling that I wasn’t really suffering or in need of healing. At the beginning of my time with Fr. Sirba, he again prayed for healing and while I recognize that I do have some general fears, particularly regarding the souls of my children and the ways my actions may lead them in the wrong direction, I don’t feel as though this particular fear weighs me down heavily. Then I wondered whether there was some other area that needed healing, one that is yet hidden from me. Or perhaps, that soon I would endure a kind of suffering that required healing. I mentioned to Fr. Sirba that I so delve into family matters that I wonder what I would be left with if it were taken away – which is why I need to keep the Lord in clear view and use my vocation to live His will rather than get so caught up in my “mundane” tasks of every day and forget to be with the Lord. (These things also have been clear in my reading time).

So then, during Fr. Laird’s talk this afternoon, I began, without really realizing it, to write the name, Henry Blaise, the name we have chosen if this child is a boy. Just as I wrote this, Father said “God told Abram to sacrifice His son for Him.” (or something to that effect.) It startled me a bit and I began to wonder if perhaps God would be asking the same thing of me. What if something is “wrong” with this baby that will prevent his long life? (I’m not totally convinced as of now that this baby is a boy. I did write Greta Jeanette later during the talk, but all of these things make me wonder…) Then I asked myself if perhaps we’d learn something at the ultrasound (and if we did I became convinced that we should find out the gender of this baby.) All kinds of possibilities came into my mind like stillbirth or heart problems, etc., etc. And also I was convinced in my mind that the baby might need to be baptized immediately. Amazing how a mind can come up with “the worst” – but perhaps was God preparing me for something? I’ve always thought that in case of tragedy, I would be a total wreck, unable to tend to the needs of my children. Or that I would care for them with such a burden that I would feel torn between my grief and my duty and crumble under the pressure. Earlier this morning, I had walked to a statue of Christ with the reference below reading Matthew 28:30 – “Come to me all who weary…” I thought it appropriate for me during this time of spiritual and physical rest. I had wanted to read the surrounding scripture, but forgot the reference, so I walked back out there this afternoon. I came back to my room and began reading what I thought was a few verses before, but later realized I was in the wrong chapter Mt 10:26.

“So, have no fear of them; for nothing is covered that will not be revealed, or hidden that will not be known. What I tell you in the dark, utter in the light; and what you hear whispered, proclaim upon the housetops. And do not fear those who kill the body but cannot kill the soul; rather fear him who can destroy both soul and body in hell. Are not two sparrows sold for a penny? And not one of them will fall to the ground without your Father’s will. But even the hairs on your head are all numbered. Fear not therefore; you are of more value than many sparrows. So everyone who acknowledges me before men, I will also acknowledge before my Father who is in heaven; but whoever denies me before men I also will deny before my Father who is in heaven…”

More to follow. Time for rosary.

Supper has just finished and I can see how it is truly the silence that draws me deeper. For if I were to have an opportunity to socialize, it would be an excuse not to reflect on the things God is revealing to me. The spiritual reading tonight again dealt with abandonment to God’s will. I could never have for myself chosen a more appropriate book to accompany my weekend. The reader, towards the end read something like “would you not sacrifice your child if it be my will?” and then “come to me all who labor and are burdened.” Obviously there is a common thread being woven. I sometimes wonder if it is my own imagination – and I do know I have the ability to imagine the worst. Now these things beg more questions – would I be willing to sacrifice in this way? God could only mean it for good. I suppose I would – but I don’t want to! The thought of losing ANY of my children is unbearable and causes me to wish I had control over what was happening with them even now. Can I let God care for them? Surely He can care for them better than I… and perhaps that is all He is asking (please, let it be so!) I can hand over control. I can put my children in God’s hands. But, please don’t take them away. Please don’t be telling me that perhaps your will is for me to lose one of my children so that through that sacrifice I may be a saint. Am I the only one hearing this specific thread woven together? Surely you have this for me. But I need clarity.

After returning from the retreat, Molly discussed with me her experience and we both hoped that this was simply a test of faith. On December 1st, 2008, at 6:37am, our new baby, a boy, Henry Blaise Koop, was born and found to have passed away, brought by our Lord to be with Him in heaven. I baptized Henry within moments of his birth.

While we continue to mourn this great loss, we pray that the purpose for which the Lord took Henry to be with Him is fulfilled in our family. God has provided us comfort and understanding through this special grace.

All praise, glory, honor, and power be to our Lord and savior Jesus Christ.

Again, thanks...

(Brendan)

Henry's funeral was beautiful, and we were overwhelmed with the number of people who attended. The days since have been tough, as we continue to try to process, read all of the cards we've received, look at pictures of Henry, be distracted by our other wonderful children, and just try to be normal. Unfortunately, that won't be possible for a while.

I thought I would include a picture of what our dining room currently looks like...


Thank you again for your continuing prayers.

Thanks so much for your prayers and support...

(Brendan)

Both Molly and I are overwhelmed by all of the prayers and support our family has received since the loss of our son, and I just wanted to write a quick note saying that your prayers do matter and have an affect. All of the conversations, phone calls, e-mails, and comments we have received are hard to process now, but know that every one is appreciated. We have felt the increasing consolation of the Holy Spirit with each passing moment, and we know that we will make it through this by the grace of our Lord.

Just to pass on this information for those nearby, the Mass of Christian Burial for our Henry will be 10:00am Thursday, Dec. 4, at the Church of St. Paul in Ham Lake, MN with a reviewal one hour prior at 9:00am.

We continue to trustfully surrender to God's divine providence.

Words can't decribe how difficult it is to write this...

(Brendan and Molly)

Please pray for our family. Early this morning, Molly went into labor to deliver our precious new little one. When we got to the hospital, during delivery they could not find the baby's heartbeat, and after delivery of our new baby boy, Henry Blaise Koop, we found that he had passed away. This loss is nearly unbearable for our family, but we also know God's will has been done and continues to be done in our lives. The shock of this will take so long to wear off, we will need to prayers of our family, friends, and the readers of this blog for many months to come.

Henry is now in the arms of our savior in heaven, and we ask for his prayers for us. He is our most precious intercessor!

Holy Mary, please pray for us, you know our pain!

Nov. 26th is bid day

(Brendan)

Tomorrow, Wednesday November 26, is "bid day," one of the important days for our project. It's the day that we finally get to see actual dollar figures for construction costs proposed by general contractors that we've hand-selected to bid... which will be both relieving and scary at the same time. It's a relief to finally get the home cost out of the "theoretical" and into the "practical," and it's also quite scary to see whether the submitted bids are close to our budget. If the bids are a little over our budget, things can be done here and there to bring it back in line without sacrificing the overall vision. If the bids are significantly over budget, then that means something fundamental about the home design will have to change, or be completed in a much longer time-scale than we are intending. We're currently just focusing in prayer on selecting the right contractor and trying to let God take care of the rest.

First, for those interested in the home building process, I can explain how this bidding process works. In reality, one doesn't need to do a bidding process at all, you can select a general contractor right from the beginning and work with them throughout your project. This is "easier" to do because you can ask the contractor all your questions along the way and it makes generating the construction drawings (with the contractor or with an architect) a smoother process because the contractor has input from the beginning. However, this is also more expensive because the contractor has no competition and is only reduced to negotiating with you over price. Another option is to run a bidding process, where you line up contractors who are willing to bid on your project and they compete against each other. I say "willing" because in good economic times it might be hard to find contractors willing to bid because it takes a lot of work to put together a detailed bid (the process typically takes 3-4 weeks). If there are lots of other jobs available they can just skip yours and move to the next one. But, in bad economic times, there's magically lots of contractors willing to bid on your home project! The only catch to making a bid worth your while (and worth the contrators' effort) is that you need to have detailed construction drawings completed and almost every item for the home selected ahead of time so the bids will be accurate and won't require lots of revisions after the bids. This means you need to do this without the contractors' help, and that can be challenging. But in the end, bidding your project gets you a much better price and is worth the effort and organization required.

Conventional wisdom says to have 3-5 general contractors lined up to bid, and to make sure you are comfortable with any of the contractors being the winner. You want to have at least 3 bidders so that you have proper competition and a decent selection at the end, and you also don't want to have more than 5 bidders so that each of the bidders feels like they have a reasonable shot at winning (and will put in the required effort instead of just "throwing a number at it"). We interviewed many contractors and ended up selecting 5 contractors to bid, thinking that one or more would potentially drop out later (and we wanted to ensure we had at least 3). Not surprisingly, with this economic climate, none of the 5 dropped out. So we actually have 5 very qualified contractors bidding on our project. I prepared a USB drive with all of the construction documents and bid paperwork for each of the bidders that they each picked up at our house on Nov. 1, and the bids are due by 4:00 pm on Nov. 26 (tomorrow). I set a date of Friday, Dec. 5 as the day when we will let the bidders know the winner, after we've had a chance to digest the bids.

So here's a look at the bidders on our project, in alphabetical order, so you can see the choice we'll have to make. Not all of the contractors has construction examples posted on their site, but for the ones who do I've posted some example photos of their work.

The Chuba Company (Elk River, MN)

We intentionally tried to pick contractors who are experienced with Structural Insulated Panels (SIP's), and The Chuba Company has over 20 years experience with SIP's and uses these almost exclusively.


Cornerstone Custom Construction (Coon Rapids, MN)

Cornerstone primarily does Insulated Concrete Form (ICF) construction, but has also done homes with SIP's before.




Fine Design Contracting (New Hope, MN)

Fine Design Contracting has won awards for extensive home remodels, such as a 2007 Parade of Homes Remodeler's Showcase "Featured Home," but also does custom construction. There website is screwy and in need of improvement, but they are very qualified contractors. Here's an example of their work.

Mattson Brothers Construction (Cambridge, MN)

Not as experienced in SIP's, but a contractor that builds extremely high-quality homes and has very satisfied customers, Mattson Brothers Construction will be bidding on our home. Here's an example of their work.

Summit Design Build (St. Paul, MN)

Highly recommeded by a co-worker of mine, Summit Design Build constructed her home and it ended up winning the 2008 Parade of Homes "Excellence in Green Building" Award. Here it is...

Check out this great clip...

(Brendan)

This is a very well-done video clip from a story in the St. Paul Pioneer Press of a seminarian that Molly and I know at St. Paul Seminary (the major seminary of the Archdiocese of St. Paul and Minneapolis). Justin was stationed at our parish for some weeks to observe parish life, and he is also a good friend and classmate of my brother Evan, also a seminarian at St. Paul Seminary. Heck, you can even spot my brother a couple times between the 1:34 and 1:37 mark in the video!

Please pray for our seminarians!